hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
