if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize