More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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