chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
