its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
