this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
