I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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