she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
