i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
