You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize