In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
