party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
