Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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