I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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