are you so shy because you have an std?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
