YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
