I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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