Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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