dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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