hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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