I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize