Cold hands, warm shart.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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