Do you still have your period?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
it's not cheating when I paid for it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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