Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
