I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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