You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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