if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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