so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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