I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
