When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
