she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
