how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize