Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
