yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
