Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
