So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize