She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
