she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Randomize
