I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
