you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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