I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All the doctor said was why
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
