Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
