whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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