someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
