Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Sorry my hands just texted you
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
