My nipple is on Facebook.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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