Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
