That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
farters have to be the big spoon...
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
try to milk me bitch
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