I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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