god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
