so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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