how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
