today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
