Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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