The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
