I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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