Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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