Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
