So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
