Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I will die if light touches me.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize