peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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