i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
