they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
My feet surprised me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
