She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Is Oprah even human
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
