i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
