i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize