hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
