I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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