I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
