Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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