and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
