What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
