no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
