its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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